Just When You Thought You Couldn’t Get Any Closer…

As though this unprecedented time of stress and compromised mental health wasn’t difficult enough, we are also saddled with the additional challenge of staying home. What once felt like a sort-of exciting prolonged sleepover now can feel a bit dull… not to mention when you’re also doing all the cooking and the cleaning. Many of us, if we’re lucky (or unlucky depending on the day), are also in lockdown with our significant other. Such confinement seems like the perfect opportunity for couple time, relationship growth and perhaps sexual exploration. In theory.

In actuality, many of us have found ourselves more distant from our partners than ever. We’re more attached to our phones, constantly seeking that coveted “alone time” in order to stay sane, and maybe spending just a touch too long in the shower for that extra five minutes to ourselves. If we have kids at home, especially young kids, forget about privacy! What we can take away from quarantine is that spending time with our partner does not automatically equate to connecting with our partner.

The solution? Well, it’s definitely not finding another show to binge-watch together, enjoyable as this may be. It’s time to unplug, unwind and bring back creativity and curiosity into the activities you do together. While these suggestions may seem a bit uncomfortable and effortful at first, they have the potential to yield the connection reminiscent of those early, butterfly-laden first dates you experienced together. What have you got to lose? In fact, you’ve probably got some time to kill.

Explore Your Emotional Pasts

Bringing up your partner’s past is not something we’d always recommend, especially if it involves ex-flings or ex-lovers. Instead, the challenge here is to ask your partner to explore their relationship with their past self. Each of you will write a letter to your childhood self, including bits of wisdom you wish you’d known and offering comforting words to your vulnerable past self. Then read your letter aloud to your partner. This exercise gives you both the opportunity to see the other’s relationship to their childhood and how abundantly they’ve grown since then. You may laugh, you may cry, you may get frustrated. Allow the process to be exactly what it needs to be and support your partner along the way.

Try {THE AND} Couples Edition for a fun, deep conversation starter

Express Daily Appreciations

One of the most insidious problems in romantic relationships is one partner feeling a lack of appreciation from the other. Of course, neglecting to appreciate your partner is often unconscious. Because of this, it is our job to make the conscious effort to express verbal, deliberate appreciation. Set aside five minutes per day to sit down together— no phones, no distractions, and make eye contact. Then, each of you will verbalize something that happened in the past day or week that their partner did that was deeply appreciated. This scheduled moment of connection is about meeting each others needs and gaining insight into the habits and behaviors your partner really notices. It’s also fun! Who doesn’t love to hear good things about themselves?

Practice Aromatherapy Massage

Physical intimacy with a partner can be fulfilled in many more ways than just sex. In fact, it’s important to bring tenderness and touch into daily life, beyond just the bedroom. However, feel very free to execute this one in your cozy bed. Here, the goal is to alleviate some stress that may have built up in your partner’s body during this time of unrest. Pick up some aromatherapy essential oils (available at places like Whole Foods, Target and CVS) with scents that relax your partner such as eucalyptus, lavender and peppermint. Pour a few drops into some body lotion or oil, light a candle, and tee up a spa playlist on Spotify. Treat this like a real massage experience by dimming the lights and allowing your partner to get comfortable under the sheets before you begin. As you massage, your intention is to familiarize yourself with your partner’s body and express love in a new way. The best part? After you’re done, you get to switch roles.

Share A Moment Of Quiet Reflection

Maintaining a meditation practice is easier said than done. However, including your partner in your practice will not only hold you accountable, but will start to create a silent, spiritual connection that you may not have known you needed. This can be as simple as sitting together quietly for five minutes or as complex as chanting in Sanskrit for an hour. Most of us are closer to the former, so start by getting in a comfortable seated position across from your partner. Maybe you touch hands, maybe you don’t. Set a timer and sync your breathing. Focus on this for a few minutes and when you open your eyes, smile at your partner and thank them for their time.

Watch our Glow Zoomcast interview with tarot expert Laura Zuspan to learn more about integrating magic & mindfulness it into our parenting and relationships

Have A Culinary Experience Together

In a long-term relationship, mealtime often turns into a systematic experience. One person cooks, the other cleans. But when was the last time you got really excited about food together? Or marveled at a delicious bottle of cabernet? After all, sharing a brand new experience together is one of the best ways to achieve a higher level of connection. So make tonight’s dinner an event. Start by looking through cookbooks or food blogs to find a recipe that is first, out of your comfort zones and second, makes you both uncontrollably salivate. And don’t forget the wine or cocktail pairing. Better yet, grab two bottles and do a little wine tasting at home before you start cooking! Or if you don’t drink, pair it with a fancy kombucha or iced tea. Then, go to the store together. Enjoy picking out fresh produce and finding the perfect filet of fish or cut of meat. When you start cooking, put on some music you both love and divide up the tasks. You chop while they marinate. And don’t forget to enjoy a drink all the while. When the cooking is finished, take time to plate it in a way that looks beautiful. Set the table. Enjoy this meal without the accompaniment of Netflix, just this once. Enjoy the flavors. Enjoy each other.

Relationships During Coronavirus: How to Reconnect Your Partner Emotionally