Time to Think About Pre-ternity by Avra Siegel

A trimester or two ago (I’m now 38 weeks pregnant), I was texting with a friend of mine, also pregnant, lamenting how terrible I was feeling. I had been up all night, stricken with nausea, frantically Googling “heartburn or heart attack?” because my epic chest pains were so bad that they were making me feel faint.

I’d been Deputy Director of the White House Council on Women and Girls, and then worked as Director of Public Policy for Care.com. Yet, I was totally unprepared for how challenging pregnancy would be--and felt uncomfortable voicing this to anyone but someone else who was also pregnant.

I didn’t want to be seen as complaining or ungrateful -- or even worse, not committed to my career. And I know I’m not alone. For the millions of American women who work outside the home, the career consequences that frequently accompany starting a family can begin during pregnancy, well before the baby arrives. The truth is, pretending pregnancy doesn’t sometimes suck isn’t doing anyone any good.

Yes, America, finally, is having the very overdue and well-deserved conversation about paid parental leave. But can we also talk about pregnancy for a second -- a life event that three-quarters of working women will experience at some point? 

It interrupts your physical and emotional body in ways that – unless you have been pregnant before – are pretty hard to fully appreciate.  

Let’s take, for example, this whole “morning sickness” thing. Almost 90 percent of women experience some symptoms of nausea during pregnancy. Ninety. That’s not the exception, it’s the rule. Of course, it’s not necessarily “morning sickness” at all – for millions of women, it’s more like “all-day” sickness, an ailment that can make you feel nauseous 24/7 for months on end. Some of us are even lucky enough to experience this for the entire duration of our pregnancy.

I have spent countless days triaging. I’d time my meetings and work for the first half of the day when my nausea was less severe and building in afternoon breaks to account for the freight train of nausea and exhaustion that I knew would come. In between I’d forage for something with any semblance of nutrition to eat, even though just a waft of fresh-cooked vegetables made me gag.

That’s been my life for 9 months – and it doesn’t leave a lot of room for being productive at work.

It’s time for employers and politicians to recognize that pregnancy is hard, birth is messy, and being postpartum is an actual medical event that requires recovery.

At Care.com, I was extremely fortunate to have unlimited paid sick days, but many workers don’t have even one. In fact, only 60% of workers have access to paid sick days, and those who are left out are at the bottom end of the income scale.  More than 82 percent of low-wage workers don’t have access to paid sick days, and the majority of low-wage workers are women, many of whom are women of color. Additionally, forty-three percent of women working in the private sector are not able to take a single paid sick day when they are ill. 

My heart breaks for the waitress who has to be on her feet all day, smelling the fumes   from the kitchen, trying to hold herself together as a cranky customer gives her a hard time, and she grits her teeth, swallows her nausea (literally) and musters all the strength she has to just to get through her shift. Now there’s a woman who needs a paid, job-protected sick day.

Or how about the array of doctor’s visits to attend, especially women experiencing high-risk pregnancies who may need three or four times the number of typical pre-natal appointments? The fact is that for a variety of reasons, low-income women face a greater number of risk-factors during pregnancy, and those are the very same women who are far less likely to have access to paid sick days.

From my work at the White House and at Care.com, I know there are simple, low-cost fixes that could help keep women healthier and encourage safer pregnancies, all the while reducing absenteeism and increasing productivity.

The array of flexible work arrangements such as teleworking, flexible start-stop times, and even the new rage of nap-rooms (yes, nap rooms!) could alleviate so much stress for pregnant workers.  (Care.com has four of them)

For hourly workers, companies could use technology that allows for ease of shift-swapping, so that when a pregnant woman needs to adjust her schedule, she has the ability to do so more easily. These types of solutions allow for all workers and employers to benefit, with the added bonus of making work more flexible and manageable for pregnant workers in particular.

Even more important than enabling these women to be more productive at work, ideas like these help foster a culture of trust proven to help companies and organizations retain their valuable talent and participation in the workforce the long run – a benefit to families, companies, and the broader economy writ large.

I told my bosses the reality of my condition during pregnancy and am so lucky to have received full support and encouragement from the CEO down. All of us pregnant women who are in a position to do so can do our part to speak up at work. Because each and every time you tell your manager how you are feeling, you empower other women to do the same. This single action gives confidence and credence to those around you and helps to change the workplace culture from the ground up.

Let’s be real: it’s not like women got pregnant on their own – there was another person 50% responsible for that pregnancy. But men just happen not to be the biological sex that bears the child, and so all the consequences of the pregnancy fall on women because of our physical role in childbearing and rearing. When our laws and workplace policies do not account for the reality of pregnancy and childbirth, it is the height of gender inequality. We must do better, not because pregnancy is a disability, but because it is actually a condition that should be honored, revered and celebrated.

We are perpetuating the human race after all.

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Avra Siegel, Gender Equity & Workplace Policy Guru

Avra Siegel is Policy and Strategic Partnerships consultant for the private and public sectors. She was formerly the Director of Public Policy and Strategic Partnerships at Care.com after serving as the Deputy Director of the White House Council on Women and Girls in the Obama administration. Avra also held positions at the White House National Economic Council where she led the women’s economic security portfolio.

The S Word: A conversation about Prenatal Sex with Leopi Sanderson-Edmunds, LM

As a midwife, Leopi, has a unique view into the sex lives of modern couples. Her approach to midwifery is holistic, incorporating the psychological and social transformations people experience when they are expecting a child, including their sexual realities. I interviewed Leopi on the topic of prenatal sex, expecting her to lay out the best sexual positions to work around the belly, and all sorts of other concrete details. Instead, she got to the core of the issue: change. Below, Leopi discusses how and why your sex will change, and what to do about it. Hallelujah!

-Sara Lyon

Sexuality in a pregnant relationship is totally the other side of the coin from being in love. This stuff is really important to talk about because many people who are newly pregnant are also newly in love. Sometimes they are already at a very evolved and mature relationship, but often it’s the beginning and a romantic sense of one another predominates. They’re making love all the time and exploring sexuality together and relating powerfully to one another this way. For some newer relationships, it’s the opposite, maybe they’re newly discovering each other and they’re shy and they’re not showing their bodies entirely yet. Either way, pregnancy will change the way sexuality is experienced for both partners. 

Be Prepared

Couples benefit from being prepared for the ebbs and flows in their pregnancy, and the shyness that the mother might start to feel with her changing body. I recently spoke with a couple entering this phase. They fell quickly in love, then suddenly she’s pregnant, and her body is changing very, very quickly. Almost immediately, she’s very shy even though their sexual connection is amazing, but now she wants the lights off, for instance. It’s very hard in our culture to not feel fat, but instead to embrace the curves and softness, so I’m trying to help her see the beauty of the softness and the changes of the body in this super ultra-feminine state that it is.

Often the partner is totally into the newness of her pregnant body, but women can actually project on themselves that it’s not beautiful. Don’t get me wrong, many women also feel quite sexy, even in their first trimester of ups and downs physically. In the second trimester, the body feels more feminine: breasts plump and a little round belly pops out. So, it’s an important place to be curious about rather then shy away from: going from being really in love and really confident in the relationship because the sex is good, to accepting the physical and emotional changes that have come. Those are often big shocks to a relationship and this is where intimacy really potentially begins.

I feel that one of the most important things I do for couples is prepare them for this surprise, because they can so easily feel estranged from one another if they aren’t warned. Suddenly, the pregnant woman’s like, “My god, I’m crying all the time!” or “I feel really insecure.” or “I don’t even know who I am anymore, and I don’t even want to look in the mirror, and does he still think I’m beautiful; am I sexy??”

The Murky Time

Up until 16 weeks, you don’t really look pregnant, you just look softer and a little pudgy, and no one really knows what to say to you because they’re not sure that you’re pregnant. That first trimester is the most sexually and emotionally challenging period for most couples.  After about 20 weeks, things can really improve sexually, because you get over the physiological hurdle of the first trimester. There are no certainties, but normally the first trimester’s emotional and physical symptoms last until about 12 - 18 weeks. Women can feel pretty funky until then.

Emotionally, a woman becomes much more internal. She slows way down due to the pregnancy hormones, she may be nauseas, and exhausted. All she can really think about is the reality that she is pregnant. She’s seeing her life changing, she’s becoming more vulnerable and more dependent on her partner, instead of this rich sexual experience they may have connected through previously.  Her body image is changing and it can really rapidly change.

A woman’s changing body image can be very difficult. If that’s not enough, her hormones cause physiological changes in those first weeks, and the things she used to find sexually arousing will often be a turn off: her nipples can be super tender, her vagina is swelling and in a constant arousal state which can be hyper-sensitive, actually making touch uncomfortable. She may also find that her vagina looks different and she may not feel comfortable with this.

Remember, the first 12 week period can be tough and quite shocking.  The depth of complex emotions, even when the pregnancy has been planned can be surprising! Life can be put at a standstill due to hormones and nausea. This uncomfortable experience usually lasts longer than the first trimester and it can be quite disappointing when you’re still sick and you’ve passed 12 weeks. So, of course this is all a shock on the relationship! You’re partner is like, “Well, I’ve never seen you like this!” and you’re exhausted or tired or crying; it’s really difficult for both partners. Some women don’t have these symptoms, and feel great all along, but that’s not typical.

I believe this is nature’s way of helping us to slow down in this modern and pretty crazy world that’s going very very very fast, especially with technology that makes everything even faster, and then there is Googling! Helpful, yes, but it can really put a lot of fear into pregnancy, too.

The first trimester requires you to put the brakes on, so you can feel yourself as just being, slow way down, appreciating everything moment to moment. Sometimes you aren’t able to deal with life as you did before: making schedules, being strong, or super social, and “having it all together”.  The state of pregnancy is a non-linear world!

It’s nature’s way of helping a woman to rest and go within, which is where the baby is, it helps her connect with the baby. The first trimester hormones reset the nervous system, and the way that we settle into the pregnancy.  So that’s a positive to all of those murky feelings.

These primordial feelings can feel dreamy, and sometimes a little scary and unknown. The partner usually doesn’t get it, because he or she isn’t pregnant and can’t possibly understand it; that’s really hard on a couple in those first weeks. Understanding that this is a normal and helpful process in securing the pregnancy can alleviate some of the confusion or judgment between partners.

The second trimester usually, not always, but usually starts a shift into a beautiful space. Around 18-20 weeks, a woman often starts to feel better, more like herself. It’s very important that mama has been taking great care of herself, so that she can come back into her body and move out of the murky, defeated place.

Health and wellbeing are extremely important for sexuality, for coming back into your body, and for getting a hold of the pregnancy and enjoying it. With good eating, resting, slowing down in the world, and having time for yourself, sexuality can be amazing, especially when the baby bump finally comes out. If your nausea is gone, this new evolution can be exciting, and sexy.

Pregnant Femininity

There are many ways of being pregnant. Many many women feel very sexy when they are pregnant, but there is absolutely no judgment if you do not. If you don’t feel well, it can be extremely difficult to enjoy your sexuality. For some, prenatal sexuality can feel really spicy and almost even tribal: here is a couple making a family, whether they’re married or not, they’re bonded and connected like never before. They’re bringing in this life; it’s very romantic and it’s hot, really. It’s a beautiful time to see your sexuality as a woman being ultra feminine. If you can notice it, embrace it, and savor it, there couldn’t be a more feminine time which empowers you forever.

The feminine potency of pregnancy is so seldom discussed, and that’s really unfortunate. It’s the crystallized power of feminine energy. We have this uterus that is finally doing what it was born to do, and the power of that feeling inside a woman, to hold a creative act of life-force inside her body that is coming from love… that’s very sexy. Wear beautiful clothes, feel it, enjoy the silhouette of your body. I love how many beautiful clothing lines exist today to show your shape. Indulge in it!

Sexual Satisfaction

This is a really important time for old love, new love, whatever love, to embrace the changes. There are a multitude of complex feelings, as we discussed, and physically there are many body changes: the breasts can be very sensitive, they plump up and press out, which can be a lovely feeling, or an uncomfortable one. You are really budding everywhere.

You may need to work around certain areas of the body, and give more attention to others; your partner really has to explore. Your blood plasma has doubled, so everything is fuller, fleshier, a little swollen. Even our lips plump up on our face and our vagina. This can be more sexually arousing, but it can also be uncomfortable. In order to accommodate the fleshier pregnant body, you may need more lubricant, or, none at all. Most women are really wet throughout pregnancy, really mucussy; don’t be alarmed. If sexual exploration is done with consciousness, it’s a fantastic time to reinvent everything, and relearn each other: “What do you like now? What does this feel like now?”

It’s an important time to take all of this newness and practice communication with curiosity and gentleness, especially if you’re a couple that tends to be shy. If you begin talking about these sensitive topics now, then you’ve begun something that’s going to be so important for the rest of your lives, for your whole relationship. It’s time to develop friendship, humor, affection, conversation and cuddling. Begin talking about things that are unknown, out of your control, and very raw. Don’t avoid being vulnerable and intimate, and learn to talk about it without judgment of self or other; it will always serve you.

Partners

Emotionally, partners are also shifting. They’re developing into caregivers and providers, even in a dual-income household. They tend to become more protective of the pregnant partner, wanting to spend more time with her. They want to get their lives together and often put a lot of pressure on themselves to do so.

Sexually, some men have difficulty having intercourse with a pregnant woman; mentally, some men can’t put their penis in a pregnant woman’s vagina. It’s like, “Woah! There’s a baby in there!?” They still want to be super affectionate and increasingly attached, but they simply cannot have sex with a pregnant woman, and that’s their truth. However, they can be affectionate and sensual without intercourse, like kissing and oral sex.

Sensuality should never go away, it’s probably way more important than sex. Not just affection, but sensuality; the eroticism of connecting to your partner that way, exploring in a surrendered space together. Just being turned on and having orgasms is so important for our nervous systems, for both the mother and the partner. It’s an irreplaceable space of wordlessness, connecting in hearts and bodies and breath. Its also really, really good for your body! The movements we make with sex are very hard to get anywhere else.

Make it Happen

So, let’s say the pregnant woman is growing and she doesn’t know what to wear, and she’s looking at herself, wondering what will make her feel good- and her partner comes up and gives her lots of kisses along her shoulders and neck and breasts, or playfully grabs her ass. She needs to feel that her partner is attracted to her, not like she’s just carrying their child. But, of course, this is only half of it; more than anything, she needs to feel attractive herself, not just to others.

How can you cultivate your own sexuality?

Take pictures. Really observe yourself and appreciate what’s changing instead of shying away from it. Wear beautiful clothes that make you feel like you’re showing your pregnancy instead of hiding it.

Take really really good care of yourself. Focus on your nutrition, your bathing rituals, the things you find pleasure in.

Surround yourself with the right support people. Talk about what’s going on with your body image, your hopes and your fears. 

Choose positive healthcare providers.  How do your healthcare providers look at you? Make sure they are reflecting back how healthy you are and how normal pregnancy is. This is especially emotionally important if you had IVF. Be sure your provider includes your partner in conversations around the pregnancy, if that’s what you would like. It’s very sexy to a woman and to her partner when the partner is included in her prenatal care, it’s bonding.

Seek meaning in your experience. There are many ways to access the spiritual and emotional side of the prenatal experience. In addition to your primary medical care, make sure you are getting complementary care that reflects the health and vitality of pregnancy. This can come in many forms like yoga, massage therapy or adjunct support like a doula or a prenatal guide. 

It’s really important to me, as a midwife, to help my families keep connecting and exploring in these unknown spaces, not just being functional, but enjoying, having pleasure with one another. We cannot let go of all of ourselves, just to become a mother and a father. We are sexual human beings, and we are brilliant human beings, we are creative human beings; we are so interesting. We need to keep reflecting the magic and the attraction back to one another.

MEET Leopi sanderson-edmunds 

Leopi has been a licensed home-birth midwife since 1985, supervising and caring for over 1300 families. In addition to her midwifery practice, she offers care for prenatal and non-natal clients through orthobionomy, a slow and beautiful form of bodywork focusing on bone and soft tissue alignment. Unique in her field, Leopi offers prenatal counseling for women and couples to reach a deeper experience of pregnancy, and birth, no matter where and with whom they are birthing. Leopi also has a BA in Art Therapy and creates phenomenal masterpieces of figure painting. Leopi can be reached via the web at Sanctuary Leopi.

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Hybrid Midwifery by Hannah Weiss

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Hannah Weiss, LM, CPM in her roll as Hybrid Midwife

HYBRID MIDWIFERY

In planning a hospital birth, you're encouraged to stay at home until labor is well under way before transitioning to the hospital for birth. How do you feel about that? Will you know when that time has come? Can you determine how far along you are in labor? Even the timing of contractions can be misleading. Doulas provide crucial support and guidance during these intense hours, and midwives take it to the next level with the ability to check dilation and the baby's heart beat. It's next-level birth support.

Hybrid Midwifery was born from a desire to provide one-to-one continuity of care to women planning a hospital birth. Not every woman wants to birth in her home, but every woman should have access to the personalized prenatal and postpartum services of a midwife. Many of you are familiar with a doula’s role, but most need clarification between a doula and a midwife.  A doula provides advocacy, education and emotional support in your home and in the hospital. A midwife is clinically trained and licensed by the state medical board to provide maternity care to women during the prenatal, birth and postnatal period. A Hybrid Midwife can give you care alongside and in cooperation with your obstetric care, giving you 24/7 support in your home up to and after you have your baby in the hospital.  

Why are women drawn to Hybrid Midwifery in conjunction with standard medical care?

Some women simply want more maternity care; they want more information, they want more support and they want it to be holistic, incorporating all aspects of the human experience in pregnancy and birth. This includes emotional support as well as physical, nutritional and medical support.

An increasing body of research has unveiled the emotional and physiological benefits of being previously familiar with a medical practitioner who attends your birth. Simply having the continuous support of a doula can reduce labor time, the likelihood of a c-section and preterm labor. In case you’re interested, it also reduces the odds that you’ll need an epidural.   These statistics alone have helped doulas and midwives increase in popularity. 

Doulas are tremendously valuable practitioners, they offer physical and emotional support for you and your partner as well as vast knowledge about the birth process and hospital system. Different from a doula, a Hybrid Midwife has medical authority to administer healthcare prenatally, postpartum and at home in the early stages of labor before transitioning to the hospital for birth.  

Holistic Prenatal Care

Your midwife will be your touchstone throughout your pregnancy and birth process. She will monitor your health status as you move through the medical system and support you as a familiar and trusted guide.  The schedule for midwifery prenatal visits mirrors your OB visits, allowing for tandem care.

During these in-home hour-long visits, you’ll discuss topics that complement your obstetric care, like nutrition, exercise and ways to prepare your body and mind for birth. Perhaps most significantly, you’ll have time to discuss any fears or concerns that may be arising around pregnancy or birth. Your midwife will medically screen you by checking vitals, listening to the baby’s heart beat and discussing testing options such as genetic, gestational diabetes and Group B Strep, to name a few. 

As you grow closer to delivery, your midwife will help you create a Birth Plan that may include desires around pain management, IV use, and what types of procedures you would like performed on your baby. You're able to discuss the pros and cons of each option with the midwife, so you have a basic understanding of the medical process. 

Home to Hospital Midwifery Support

Laboring at home with your midwife decreases the likelihood that you’ll receive medical interventions, sometimes a bi-product of arriving at the hospital too early. Different from a doula, your midwife continuously checks the health of both you and your baby during labor. She is constantly making sure it's safe to remain in the comfort of your own home for as long as possible. As your labor progresses, your midwife will help determine when it’s time to go to the hospital by checking cervical dilation, assessing your contraction pattern and the positioning of your baby. 

At the hospital your midwife transitions into the role of an advocate, providing continuous comfort measures, breathing and meditation techniques and overall guidance for your needs and desires. After the birth of your babe, she remains by your side for an hour or more to help with breastfeeding. Your midwife will capture family photos and help transport the placenta should you choose to save it.

Postpartum Magic 

Maybe you remember those early days postpartum or you’ve heard stories about how physically and psychologically fragile the beginning of parenthood can be. Intense hormones and learning how to feed your newborn can be maddening, not to mention the complete physical recovery from a vaginal birth or C-Section. With this in mind, it’s no surprise that 24/7 access to a trusted healthcare provider is not only comforting, it’s clinically significant in decreasing postpartum depression and helping the entire family unit adjust. Unfortunately, in the common medical system, mothers won’t see a practitioner to assess their health and recovery for six weeks after discharge from the hospital.  Enter your Hybrid Midwife.

When you’re all settled back home, your midwife schedules six full weeks of postnatal care for you and your baby. She will usually visit five or more times in these postpartum weeks, starting twenty-four hours after you arrive home. Your midwife’s long list of medical support topics will include lactation, normal newborn behaviors, umbilical cord care and vaginal healing. She will check your postpartum bleeding and vitals, to make sure you don’t need further medical care. She weighs the baby, assesses normal growth patterns, listens to your baby's heart and lungs and is consistently making sure your newborn is thriving. 

A lot of questions come up in the first few weeks of welcoming your new baby into the world and it's truly wonderful to have a medically qualified and compassionate midwife by your side. Your midwife will carefully assess your overall emotional health, allowing you the time and space to learn what is “normal” and what is worrisome.

Aside from her vast knowledge, your midwife is also deeply connected to the wider community. Should you need referrals to support groups, lactation consultants, overnight doulas or massage therapists, your midwife is connected to this vibrant network.

Hybrid Midwifery is the best-kept secret out there!  In the interest of perpetuating the health and vitality of early parenthood, spread the word! 

DOES YOUR MEDICAL INSURANCE COVER HYBRID MIDWIFERY? 

Verify your insurance benefits here using Hannah Weiss’s provider details, (note that it’s a $20 verification process): 

City: Oakland
State: CA
Zip Code: 94611
Phone number: 510-685-6703

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MEET Hannah Weiss, LM, CPM 

Hannah Weiss is a Licensed Midwife under the Medical Board of California and a Certified Professional Midwife under the North American Registry of Midwives (NARM).  Her formal education consisted of a three year accredited midwifery school and two clinical home birth apprenticeships in California and Utah. Hannah regularly attends Peer Review and is an active member of the California Association of Midwives (CAM). She  held the lead doula position at  Glow Massage and Birth Support for 2 years before starting her midwifery practice.  Hannah is certified in Neonatal Resuscitation (NRP), CPR and First Aid.   

When Hannah is off-call she travels home to Kaua'i where she grew up surrounded by an abundance of nature and the rhythms of the ocean.  She currently lives in Montclair, Oakland with her husband Martin, head chef for Maiden Voyage Meals, it's a family affair!   

Lean Sideways with Mary McQueen from Baby Bootcamp Oakland

What inspired you to start Baby Boot Camp in Oakland?

I was actually about 35-40 pounds overweight before I got pregnant with my first son, Liam, and then I put on an additional 50 pounds during that pregnancy; so, all told, I had about 90 pounds to lose.

Having a baby really awakened me to my need to get healthy. My father passed away suddenly from a heart attack when he was 49 years old (I was 20) and his father passed away from a heart attack when he was only 38 (my dad was 17)! So my family history of heart disease is so strong, and I realized that I did not want to follow that same sad path and not be around to see my children grow up.

After I had Liam, I thought I could make these changes on my own, so I started doing some light cardio - run/walking around Lake Merritt, pushing Liam in the stroller. I realized about 9 months in, though, that making these big changes on your own can be quite challenging. I was yearning for a support system. It was my younger sister, actually, who found out about Baby Boot Camp - she does not have children, but she did have her personal training certification, and she answered an ad for an instructor on Craigslist.

So I started going with her as her “plus one,” and I instantly fell in love. I loved the workouts, I loved that I could bring my (sometimes screaming and cranky) baby along, and I especially loved the camaraderie with the other moms. I lost the rest of the weight as a participant of Baby Boot Camp, and I thought, “Hey, I did it. I can show and encourage other people to do what I did.”  

The previous owner of Baby Boot Camp was going on maternity leave and needed another instructor, so I got my certification and taught for her for about 6 months, and then she asked me if I was interested in buying the business. I jumped at the opportunity - I saw such potential in the program, and I wanted to help people make positive changes in their lives. I had no interest in returning to my previous job - I went on maternity leave and then just never went back! So, I was definitely looking for the next step in my life, and this just sort of fell into my lap! 

How did you find the courage to bring your life into its current state and what have been the rewards of that investment?

Ha! Talk about taking a risk - I bought the franchise when the classes were very small, in April of 2009 when the economy tanked; and the same month that I bought the business, my husband, a carpenter, lost his job! I knew it was all a little crazy, but I have always dreamed of owning my own business- I was drawn to having time freedom, being my own boss, and, above all, hopefully making a difference in people’s lives. I saw the potential and I knew that what Baby Boot Camp had been for me, could be for someone else that really needed it - whether it be the need to lose weight, the need for companionship, or the need to help combat the “baby blues.”

When I bought the business, I had also taken on some part-time work as an Administrative Assistant for a wonderful network of psychologists in Oakland that do really meaningful and important work for children in the Richmond school system and the juvenile “justice” system in Oakland. So I didn’t make a complete and clean break with regards to my career change - I most certainly eased into it. The CEO and COO of that company were awesome, and, by this time, I had just given birth to my daughter, and they let me bring her into the office with me, nurse at the office, work from home with her...And I really supported and believed in the work that they were doing.

But there came a time when I needed to focus on my own business if I wanted to be able to reach more moms and families, so I gave my notice. I was really nervous about my decision, but it has absolutely been worth it. I think that if you are passionate enough about something and if you have a really authentic experience with that vision and passion, you can find a way to make it work!  
And I see this more and more with the moms that I teach in Baby Boot Camp. There are definitely a lot of moms that go back to full-time work, but there are also a significant number that do things a little differently - working part-time, working from home, freelancing. It is less “lean in” and more “lean sideways” - we are navigating new territory in this way, I think.

What is the simplest, most fundamental way a woman can take care of herself postpartum?

Move your body (even if it’s just for a walk around the block) and make connections with other moms. Honestly, I was really in denial about how isolating being a new mom can be. There is no easy segue into motherhood, no course on how to do this - you really are just thrown into it; and that is true for each baby, at least in my experience. Being a first-time mom is so different from being a second-time mom, which is different from being a third-time mom. And it can all hit you like a brick sometimes.  

When I had my first son, I was only 25, which is rare for the Bay Area. None of my friends were even close to having children yet. I had already made the decision that I wasn’t going to go back to my previous job, and I had also decided that I wanted to get back into shape, but I thought I could be a mother and make these life changes on my own. It took me several months to realize that not only does it “take a village” to raise a child, but it takes a village to raise a mom and to help support her with these big life changes. I did start losing weight and getting healthier on my own, but, to be honest with you, I was pretty miserable, and I felt really alone.

I joined Baby Boot Camp when my son was about 9 months old, and everything changed. I found a community of women I could really talk to and who knew exactly what I was going through, it got my babies and me out of the house, and as my children have grown up as “Baby Boot Camp kids” it has helped set a healthy example for my children, whether they see me exercising, participate in the class themselves (which they love to do during the summer when they are off from school), or tear it up on their bikes and scooters and skateboards while I’m teaching.

So my advice would be to find your tribe - whether that be through a mom support group, Baby Boot Camp, a music class you enroll your children in, whatever! Just find a group that is going to help support you in this transition.

Why is it so important that a woman who is tired, potentially nauseas and physically uncomfortable consider her own fitness during pregnancy?

There are a couple of things going on here. First, it is so important to consider YOU. When we are pregnant, so much of the focus is on our bellies and that little baby growing inside of us, and we forget to put ourselves as a priority (and things only get more extreme after that baby is on the outside). It is certainly easier said than done, but it is so important to put time and energy and care into ourselves in order to support all of the caring that we do for other people. So move your body in a way that feels really great - take a dance class, take a yoga class, go for a walk or hike. Your body and your baby will thank you for taking that time for yourself!

Second, I was so much more active and my nutrition was so much better with my second and third pregnancies, and I think it made a huge difference in my deliveries and recoveries. And I’m not the only one - I have spoken to many of my Baby Boot Camp mamas that say the same thing. They took Baby Boot Camp classes after they had their first baby, got pregnant a year or two in, and they felt so much stronger in their second pregnancies and deliveries.  

You’ve recently widened your focus to diastasis recti prevention and repair. Why is it important to find out about your DR status and how common is it?

Oh my goodness, it is SO common! Over the years, the VAST majority of moms that have come through Baby Boot Camp have a diastasis recti (DR) and did not know it. It is very important to know that this is NOT a life-threatening condition, and it can absolutely be healed without surgery! 
DR occurs during pregnancy when our bellies are growing - it is the natural separation of the rectus abdominis (our “six pack” abs, so to speak). A lot of women think that because they had a c-section they wouldn’t then have a DR; but the DR starts happening at pregnancy. Our abs separate during pregnancy, the tissue between the two sides of the rectus abdominis called the linea alba gets stretched thin, and in an ideal world, everything comes back together after we have our babies.

This does not typically happen, however, and after we have given birth, our rectus abdominis does not come back together. This can lead to lower back pain, incontinence, and in extreme cases, can contribute to uterine prolapse.
I measure all new moms that come to class for a DR - we measure finger width at the belly button, above the belly button, and below the belly button. Moms with a 1-2 finger separation at the belly button are good to go in class (it probably won’t close beyond a 1); for moms with a 3+ finger separation, I make a lot of modifications for them during class, and I also recommend that they attend my 4-week intensive Core9 Diastasis Repair Workshop (I have another workshop scheduled for June).

In general, it is so important for ALL women - not just recently postpartum and not just those of us with a DR - to strengthen the transverse abdominis (the deepest layer of abs muscles) and the pelvic floor with pelvic floor lifts (use it or lose it - yikes!).

Please join us next month to talk about diastastis repair in more detail! We’re just scratching the surface here.

I will be more than happy to join you for more DR talk - it is one of my favorite topics, and it is such a important and overlooked part of postpartum care!

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MEET MARY MCQUEEN

Mary is mom to Liam (5/07), Sinead (6/10), and Jameson (7/12), and has owned Baby Boot Camp Oakland since April 2009. She has a B.A. in English and French Literature from U.C. San Diego, is an ACSM-certified personal trainer, and certified in Group TRX Suspension Training. 
You can reach Mary by email or phone at 510-418-8599.

CMV and Your Family

There are a million things that cause anxiety during pregnancy; this doesn’t need to be one of them. The following information is powerful and significant because this virus is preventable. Please ask your doctors about the risk of CMV infection during pregnancy.

Did you know?

50-80% of the population will be infected with Cytomegalovirus (CMV) by the time they are 40 years old yet. Coming into contact with the CMV virus is a common occurrence and is generally harmless for healthy kids or adults, but it can present critical problems for babies who are infected with CMV before birth, referred to as congenital CMV

Approximately 30,000 children are born with congenital CMV infection each year in the U.S. and 5,000+ will develop permanent health problems such as hearing or vision loss, cognitive or developmental disabilities, cerebral palsy or seizures

More children will have disabilities due to congenital CMV than other well-known infections and syndromes, including Downs Syndrome, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Spina Bifida and Pediatric HIV/AIDS

CMV is preventable! Only 13% of surveyed women of childbearing age know about CMV prevention tactics

There are simple and effective prevention measures you and your loved ones can take to mitigate the risk of CMV transmission during pregnancy. Please join Glow and the National CMV Foundation on October 8th to learn more.

The National CMV Foundation is a non-profit organization dedicated to promoting awareness, providing access to resources and sharing prevention information to eliminate congenital CMV. With your support, we intend to empower women, facilitate communication, generate social outreach, and ultimately drive behavioral change.

Learn More

The National CMV Foundation is a non-profit organization dedicated to promoting awareness, providing access to resources and sharing prevention information to eliminate congenital CMV. With your support, we intend to facilitate communication, generate social outreach, and ultimately drive behavioral change. Please visit the CDC.