In this week’s WILD WMN podcast Elizabeth Flynn speaks with Sara Lyon, creator of The Birth Deck and founder of Glow Birth and Body, mama, doula, birth educator and boss lady about the journey to birth and empowering women.
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What is a doula? How does a doula support a family in labor? What are the best comfort techniques? Sara Lyon, doula, massage therapist and childbirth educator gives All Business Media radio host, CJ, a lesson on all things related to massage therapy and birth support in under 10 minutes.
A trimester or two ago (I’m now 38 weeks pregnant), I was texting with a friend of mine, also pregnant, lamenting how terrible I was feeling. I had been up all night, stricken with nausea, frantically Googling “heartburn or heart attack?” because my epic chest pains were so bad that they were making me feel faint.
I’d been Deputy Director of the White House Council on Women and Girls, and then worked as Director of Public Policy for Care.com. Yet, I was totally unprepared for how challenging pregnancy would be--and felt uncomfortable voicing this to anyone but someone else who was also pregnant.
I didn’t want to be seen as complaining or ungrateful -- or even worse, not committed to my career. And I know I’m not alone. For the millions of American women who work outside the home, the career consequences that frequently accompany starting a family can begin during pregnancy, well before the baby arrives. The truth is, pretending pregnancy doesn’t sometimes suck isn’t doing anyone any good.
Yes, America, finally, is having the very overdue and well-deserved conversation about paid parental leave. But can we also talk about pregnancy for a second -- a life event that three-quarters of working women will experience at some point?
It interrupts your physical and emotional body in ways that – unless you have been pregnant before – are pretty hard to fully appreciate.
Let’s take, for example, this whole “morning sickness” thing. Almost 90 percent of women experience some symptoms of nausea during pregnancy. Ninety. That’s not the exception, it’s the rule. Of course, it’s not necessarily “morning sickness” at all – for millions of women, it’s more like “all-day” sickness, an ailment that can make you feel nauseous 24/7 for months on end. Some of us are even lucky enough to experience this for the entire duration of our pregnancy.
I have spent countless days triaging. I’d time my meetings and work for the first half of the day when my nausea was less severe and building in afternoon breaks to account for the freight train of nausea and exhaustion that I knew would come. In between I’d forage for something with any semblance of nutrition to eat, even though just a waft of fresh-cooked vegetables made me gag.
That’s been my life for 9 months – and it doesn’t leave a lot of room for being productive at work.
It’s time for employers and politicians to recognize that pregnancy is hard, birth is messy, and being postpartum is an actual medical event that requires recovery.
At Care.com, I was extremely fortunate to have unlimited paid sick days, but many workers don’t have even one. In fact, only 60% of workers have access to paid sick days, and those who are left out are at the bottom end of the income scale. More than 82 percent of low-wage workers don’t have access to paid sick days, and the majority of low-wage workers are women, many of whom are women of color. Additionally, forty-three percent of women working in the private sector are not able to take a single paid sick day when they are ill.
My heart breaks for the waitress who has to be on her feet all day, smelling the fumes from the kitchen, trying to hold herself together as a cranky customer gives her a hard time, and she grits her teeth, swallows her nausea (literally) and musters all the strength she has to just to get through her shift. Now there’s a woman who needs a paid, job-protected sick day.
Or how about the array of doctor’s visits to attend, especially women experiencing high-risk pregnancies who may need three or four times the number of typical pre-natal appointments? The fact is that for a variety of reasons, low-income women face a greater number of risk-factors during pregnancy, and those are the very same women who are far less likely to have access to paid sick days.
From my work at the White House and at Care.com, I know there are simple, low-cost fixes that could help keep women healthier and encourage safer pregnancies, all the while reducing absenteeism and increasing productivity.
The array of flexible work arrangements such as teleworking, flexible start-stop times, and even the new rage of nap-rooms (yes, nap rooms!) could alleviate so much stress for pregnant workers. (Care.com has four of them)
For hourly workers, companies could use technology that allows for ease of shift-swapping, so that when a pregnant woman needs to adjust her schedule, she has the ability to do so more easily. These types of solutions allow for all workers and employers to benefit, with the added bonus of making work more flexible and manageable for pregnant workers in particular.
Even more important than enabling these women to be more productive at work, ideas like these help foster a culture of trust proven to help companies and organizations retain their valuable talent and participation in the workforce the long run – a benefit to families, companies, and the broader economy writ large.
I told my bosses the reality of my condition during pregnancy and am so lucky to have received full support and encouragement from the CEO down. All of us pregnant women who are in a position to do so can do our part to speak up at work. Because each and every time you tell your manager how you are feeling, you empower other women to do the same. This single action gives confidence and credence to those around you and helps to change the workplace culture from the ground up.
Let’s be real: it’s not like women got pregnant on their own – there was another person 50% responsible for that pregnancy. But men just happen not to be the biological sex that bears the child, and so all the consequences of the pregnancy fall on women because of our physical role in childbearing and rearing. When our laws and workplace policies do not account for the reality of pregnancy and childbirth, it is the height of gender inequality. We must do better, not because pregnancy is a disability, but because it is actually a condition that should be honored, revered and celebrated.
We are perpetuating the human race after all.
Avra Siegel, Gender Equity & Workplace Policy Guru
Avra Siegel is Policy and Strategic Partnerships consultant for the private and public sectors. She was formerly the Director of Public Policy and Strategic Partnerships at Care.com after serving as the Deputy Director of the White House Council on Women and Girls in the Obama administration. Avra also held positions at the White House National Economic Council where she led the women’s economic security portfolio.
As a midwife, Leopi, has a unique view into the sex lives of modern couples. Her approach to midwifery is holistic, incorporating the psychological and social transformations people experience when they are expecting a child, including their sexual realities. I interviewed Leopi on the topic of prenatal sex, expecting her to lay out the best sexual positions to work around the belly, and all sorts of other concrete details. Instead, she got to the core of the issue: change. Below, Leopi discusses how and why your sex will change, and what to do about it. Hallelujah!
-Sara Lyon
Sexuality in a pregnant relationship is totally the other side of the coin from being in love. This stuff is really important to talk about because many people who are newly pregnant are also newly in love. Sometimes they are already at a very evolved and mature relationship, but often it’s the beginning and a romantic sense of one another predominates. They’re making love all the time and exploring sexuality together and relating powerfully to one another this way. For some newer relationships, it’s the opposite, maybe they’re newly discovering each other and they’re shy and they’re not showing their bodies entirely yet. Either way, pregnancy will change the way sexuality is experienced for both partners.
Be Prepared
Couples benefit from being prepared for the ebbs and flows in their pregnancy, and the shyness that the mother might start to feel with her changing body. I recently spoke with a couple entering this phase. They fell quickly in love, then suddenly she’s pregnant, and her body is changing very, very quickly. Almost immediately, she’s very shy even though their sexual connection is amazing, but now she wants the lights off, for instance. It’s very hard in our culture to not feel fat, but instead to embrace the curves and softness, so I’m trying to help her see the beauty of the softness and the changes of the body in this super ultra-feminine state that it is.
Often the partner is totally into the newness of her pregnant body, but women can actually project on themselves that it’s not beautiful. Don’t get me wrong, many women also feel quite sexy, even in their first trimester of ups and downs physically. In the second trimester, the body feels more feminine: breasts plump and a little round belly pops out. So, it’s an important place to be curious about rather then shy away from: going from being really in love and really confident in the relationship because the sex is good, to accepting the physical and emotional changes that have come. Those are often big shocks to a relationship and this is where intimacy really potentially begins.
I feel that one of the most important things I do for couples is prepare them for this surprise, because they can so easily feel estranged from one another if they aren’t warned. Suddenly, the pregnant woman’s like, “My god, I’m crying all the time!” or “I feel really insecure.” or “I don’t even know who I am anymore, and I don’t even want to look in the mirror, and does he still think I’m beautiful; am I sexy??”
The Murky Time
Up until 16 weeks, you don’t really look pregnant, you just look softer and a little pudgy, and no one really knows what to say to you because they’re not sure that you’re pregnant. That first trimester is the most sexually and emotionally challenging period for most couples. After about 20 weeks, things can really improve sexually, because you get over the physiological hurdle of the first trimester. There are no certainties, but normally the first trimester’s emotional and physical symptoms last until about 12 - 18 weeks. Women can feel pretty funky until then.
Emotionally, a woman becomes much more internal. She slows way down due to the pregnancy hormones, she may be nauseas, and exhausted. All she can really think about is the reality that she is pregnant. She’s seeing her life changing, she’s becoming more vulnerable and more dependent on her partner, instead of this rich sexual experience they may have connected through previously. Her body image is changing and it can really rapidly change.
A woman’s changing body image can be very difficult. If that’s not enough, her hormones cause physiological changes in those first weeks, and the things she used to find sexually arousing will often be a turn off: her nipples can be super tender, her vagina is swelling and in a constant arousal state which can be hyper-sensitive, actually making touch uncomfortable. She may also find that her vagina looks different and she may not feel comfortable with this.
Remember, the first 12 week period can be tough and quite shocking. The depth of complex emotions, even when the pregnancy has been planned can be surprising! Life can be put at a standstill due to hormones and nausea. This uncomfortable experience usually lasts longer than the first trimester and it can be quite disappointing when you’re still sick and you’ve passed 12 weeks. So, of course this is all a shock on the relationship! You’re partner is like, “Well, I’ve never seen you like this!” and you’re exhausted or tired or crying; it’s really difficult for both partners. Some women don’t have these symptoms, and feel great all along, but that’s not typical.
I believe this is nature’s way of helping us to slow down in this modern and pretty crazy world that’s going very very very fast, especially with technology that makes everything even faster, and then there is Googling! Helpful, yes, but it can really put a lot of fear into pregnancy, too.
The first trimester requires you to put the brakes on, so you can feel yourself as just being, slow way down, appreciating everything moment to moment. Sometimes you aren’t able to deal with life as you did before: making schedules, being strong, or super social, and “having it all together”. The state of pregnancy is a non-linear world!
It’s nature’s way of helping a woman to rest and go within, which is where the baby is, it helps her connect with the baby. The first trimester hormones reset the nervous system, and the way that we settle into the pregnancy. So that’s a positive to all of those murky feelings.
These primordial feelings can feel dreamy, and sometimes a little scary and unknown. The partner usually doesn’t get it, because he or she isn’t pregnant and can’t possibly understand it; that’s really hard on a couple in those first weeks. Understanding that this is a normal and helpful process in securing the pregnancy can alleviate some of the confusion or judgment between partners.
The second trimester usually, not always, but usually starts a shift into a beautiful space. Around 18-20 weeks, a woman often starts to feel better, more like herself. It’s very important that mama has been taking great care of herself, so that she can come back into her body and move out of the murky, defeated place.
Health and wellbeing are extremely important for sexuality, for coming back into your body, and for getting a hold of the pregnancy and enjoying it. With good eating, resting, slowing down in the world, and having time for yourself, sexuality can be amazing, especially when the baby bump finally comes out. If your nausea is gone, this new evolution can be exciting, and sexy.
Pregnant Femininity
There are many ways of being pregnant. Many many women feel very sexy when they are pregnant, but there is absolutely no judgment if you do not. If you don’t feel well, it can be extremely difficult to enjoy your sexuality. For some, prenatal sexuality can feel really spicy and almost even tribal: here is a couple making a family, whether they’re married or not, they’re bonded and connected like never before. They’re bringing in this life; it’s very romantic and it’s hot, really. It’s a beautiful time to see your sexuality as a woman being ultra feminine. If you can notice it, embrace it, and savor it, there couldn’t be a more feminine time which empowers you forever.
The feminine potency of pregnancy is so seldom discussed, and that’s really unfortunate. It’s the crystallized power of feminine energy. We have this uterus that is finally doing what it was born to do, and the power of that feeling inside a woman, to hold a creative act of life-force inside her body that is coming from love… that’s very sexy. Wear beautiful clothes, feel it, enjoy the silhouette of your body. I love how many beautiful clothing lines exist today to show your shape. Indulge in it!
Sexual Satisfaction
This is a really important time for old love, new love, whatever love, to embrace the changes. There are a multitude of complex feelings, as we discussed, and physically there are many body changes: the breasts can be very sensitive, they plump up and press out, which can be a lovely feeling, or an uncomfortable one. You are really budding everywhere.
You may need to work around certain areas of the body, and give more attention to others; your partner really has to explore. Your blood plasma has doubled, so everything is fuller, fleshier, a little swollen. Even our lips plump up on our face and our vagina. This can be more sexually arousing, but it can also be uncomfortable. In order to accommodate the fleshier pregnant body, you may need more lubricant, or, none at all. Most women are really wet throughout pregnancy, really mucussy; don’t be alarmed. If sexual exploration is done with consciousness, it’s a fantastic time to reinvent everything, and relearn each other: “What do you like now? What does this feel like now?”
It’s an important time to take all of this newness and practice communication with curiosity and gentleness, especially if you’re a couple that tends to be shy. If you begin talking about these sensitive topics now, then you’ve begun something that’s going to be so important for the rest of your lives, for your whole relationship. It’s time to develop friendship, humor, affection, conversation and cuddling. Begin talking about things that are unknown, out of your control, and very raw. Don’t avoid being vulnerable and intimate, and learn to talk about it without judgment of self or other; it will always serve you.
Partners
Emotionally, partners are also shifting. They’re developing into caregivers and providers, even in a dual-income household. They tend to become more protective of the pregnant partner, wanting to spend more time with her. They want to get their lives together and often put a lot of pressure on themselves to do so.
Sexually, some men have difficulty having intercourse with a pregnant woman; mentally, some men can’t put their penis in a pregnant woman’s vagina. It’s like, “Woah! There’s a baby in there!?” They still want to be super affectionate and increasingly attached, but they simply cannot have sex with a pregnant woman, and that’s their truth. However, they can be affectionate and sensual without intercourse, like kissing and oral sex.
Sensuality should never go away, it’s probably way more important than sex. Not just affection, but sensuality; the eroticism of connecting to your partner that way, exploring in a surrendered space together. Just being turned on and having orgasms is so important for our nervous systems, for both the mother and the partner. It’s an irreplaceable space of wordlessness, connecting in hearts and bodies and breath. Its also really, really good for your body! The movements we make with sex are very hard to get anywhere else.
Make it Happen
So, let’s say the pregnant woman is growing and she doesn’t know what to wear, and she’s looking at herself, wondering what will make her feel good- and her partner comes up and gives her lots of kisses along her shoulders and neck and breasts, or playfully grabs her ass. She needs to feel that her partner is attracted to her, not like she’s just carrying their child. But, of course, this is only half of it; more than anything, she needs to feel attractive herself, not just to others.
How can you cultivate your own sexuality?
Take pictures. Really observe yourself and appreciate what’s changing instead of shying away from it. Wear beautiful clothes that make you feel like you’re showing your pregnancy instead of hiding it.
Take really really good care of yourself. Focus on your nutrition, your bathing rituals, the things you find pleasure in.
Surround yourself with the right support people. Talk about what’s going on with your body image, your hopes and your fears.
Choose positive healthcare providers. How do your healthcare providers look at you? Make sure they are reflecting back how healthy you are and how normal pregnancy is. This is especially emotionally important if you had IVF. Be sure your provider includes your partner in conversations around the pregnancy, if that’s what you would like. It’s very sexy to a woman and to her partner when the partner is included in her prenatal care, it’s bonding.
Seek meaning in your experience. There are many ways to access the spiritual and emotional side of the prenatal experience. In addition to your primary medical care, make sure you are getting complementary care that reflects the health and vitality of pregnancy. This can come in many forms like yoga, massage therapy or adjunct support like a doula or a prenatal guide.
It’s really important to me, as a midwife, to help my families keep connecting and exploring in these unknown spaces, not just being functional, but enjoying, having pleasure with one another. We cannot let go of all of ourselves, just to become a mother and a father. We are sexual human beings, and we are brilliant human beings, we are creative human beings; we are so interesting. We need to keep reflecting the magic and the attraction back to one another.
MEET Leopi sanderson-edmunds
Leopi has been a licensed home-birth midwife since 1985, supervising and caring for over 1300 families. In addition to her midwifery practice, she offers care for prenatal and non-natal clients through orthobionomy, a slow and beautiful form of bodywork focusing on bone and soft tissue alignment. Unique in her field, Leopi offers prenatal counseling for women and couples to reach a deeper experience of pregnancy, and birth, no matter where and with whom they are birthing. Leopi also has a BA in Art Therapy and creates phenomenal masterpieces of figure painting. Leopi can be reached via the web at Sanctuary Leopi.
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Hannah Weiss, LM, CPM in her roll as Hybrid Midwife
HYBRID MIDWIFERY
In planning a hospital birth, you're encouraged to stay at home until labor is well under way before transitioning to the hospital for birth. How do you feel about that? Will you know when that time has come? Can you determine how far along you are in labor? Even the timing of contractions can be misleading. Doulas provide crucial support and guidance during these intense hours, and midwives take it to the next level with the ability to check dilation and the baby's heart beat. It's next-level birth support.
Hybrid Midwifery was born from a desire to provide one-to-one continuity of care to women planning a hospital birth. Not every woman wants to birth in her home, but every woman should have access to the personalized prenatal and postpartum services of a midwife. Many of you are familiar with a doula’s role, but most need clarification between a doula and a midwife. A doula provides advocacy, education and emotional support in your home and in the hospital. A midwife is clinically trained and licensed by the state medical board to provide maternity care to women during the prenatal, birth and postnatal period. A Hybrid Midwife can give you care alongside and in cooperation with your obstetric care, giving you 24/7 support in your home up to and after you have your baby in the hospital.
Why are women drawn to Hybrid Midwifery in conjunction with standard medical care?
Some women simply want more maternity care; they want more information, they want more support and they want it to be holistic, incorporating all aspects of the human experience in pregnancy and birth. This includes emotional support as well as physical, nutritional and medical support.
An increasing body of research has unveiled the emotional and physiological benefits of being previously familiar with a medical practitioner who attends your birth. Simply having the continuous support of a doula can reduce labor time, the likelihood of a c-section and preterm labor. In case you’re interested, it also reduces the odds that you’ll need an epidural. These statistics alone have helped doulas and midwives increase in popularity.
Doulas are tremendously valuable practitioners, they offer physical and emotional support for you and your partner as well as vast knowledge about the birth process and hospital system. Different from a doula, a Hybrid Midwife has medical authority to administer healthcare prenatally, postpartum and at home in the early stages of labor before transitioning to the hospital for birth.
Holistic Prenatal Care
Your midwife will be your touchstone throughout your pregnancy and birth process. She will monitor your health status as you move through the medical system and support you as a familiar and trusted guide. The schedule for midwifery prenatal visits mirrors your OB visits, allowing for tandem care.
During these in-home hour-long visits, you’ll discuss topics that complement your obstetric care, like nutrition, exercise and ways to prepare your body and mind for birth. Perhaps most significantly, you’ll have time to discuss any fears or concerns that may be arising around pregnancy or birth. Your midwife will medically screen you by checking vitals, listening to the baby’s heart beat and discussing testing options such as genetic, gestational diabetes and Group B Strep, to name a few.
As you grow closer to delivery, your midwife will help you create a Birth Plan that may include desires around pain management, IV use, and what types of procedures you would like performed on your baby. You're able to discuss the pros and cons of each option with the midwife, so you have a basic understanding of the medical process.
Home to Hospital Midwifery Support
Laboring at home with your midwife decreases the likelihood that you’ll receive medical interventions, sometimes a bi-product of arriving at the hospital too early. Different from a doula, your midwife continuously checks the health of both you and your baby during labor. She is constantly making sure it's safe to remain in the comfort of your own home for as long as possible. As your labor progresses, your midwife will help determine when it’s time to go to the hospital by checking cervical dilation, assessing your contraction pattern and the positioning of your baby.
At the hospital your midwife transitions into the role of an advocate, providing continuous comfort measures, breathing and meditation techniques and overall guidance for your needs and desires. After the birth of your babe, she remains by your side for an hour or more to help with breastfeeding. Your midwife will capture family photos and help transport the placenta should you choose to save it.
Postpartum Magic
Maybe you remember those early days postpartum or you’ve heard stories about how physically and psychologically fragile the beginning of parenthood can be. Intense hormones and learning how to feed your newborn can be maddening, not to mention the complete physical recovery from a vaginal birth or C-Section. With this in mind, it’s no surprise that 24/7 access to a trusted healthcare provider is not only comforting, it’s clinically significant in decreasing postpartum depression and helping the entire family unit adjust. Unfortunately, in the common medical system, mothers won’t see a practitioner to assess their health and recovery for six weeks after discharge from the hospital. Enter your Hybrid Midwife.
When you’re all settled back home, your midwife schedules six full weeks of postnatal care for you and your baby. She will usually visit five or more times in these postpartum weeks, starting twenty-four hours after you arrive home. Your midwife’s long list of medical support topics will include lactation, normal newborn behaviors, umbilical cord care and vaginal healing. She will check your postpartum bleeding and vitals, to make sure you don’t need further medical care. She weighs the baby, assesses normal growth patterns, listens to your baby's heart and lungs and is consistently making sure your newborn is thriving.
A lot of questions come up in the first few weeks of welcoming your new baby into the world and it's truly wonderful to have a medically qualified and compassionate midwife by your side. Your midwife will carefully assess your overall emotional health, allowing you the time and space to learn what is “normal” and what is worrisome.
Aside from her vast knowledge, your midwife is also deeply connected to the wider community. Should you need referrals to support groups, lactation consultants, overnight doulas or massage therapists, your midwife is connected to this vibrant network.
Hybrid Midwifery is the best-kept secret out there! In the interest of perpetuating the health and vitality of early parenthood, spread the word!
DOES YOUR MEDICAL INSURANCE COVER HYBRID MIDWIFERY?
Verify your insurance benefits here using Hannah Weiss’s provider details, (note that it’s a $20 verification process):
City: Oakland
State: CA
Zip Code: 94611
Phone number: 510-685-6703
MEET Hannah Weiss, LM, CPM
Hannah Weiss is a Licensed Midwife under the Medical Board of California and a Certified Professional Midwife under the North American Registry of Midwives (NARM). Her formal education consisted of a three year accredited midwifery school and two clinical home birth apprenticeships in California and Utah. Hannah regularly attends Peer Review and is an active member of the California Association of Midwives (CAM). She held the lead doula position at Glow Massage and Birth Support for 2 years before starting her midwifery practice. Hannah is certified in Neonatal Resuscitation (NRP), CPR and First Aid.
When Hannah is off-call she travels home to Kaua'i where she grew up surrounded by an abundance of nature and the rhythms of the ocean. She currently lives in Montclair, Oakland with her husband Martin, head chef for Maiden Voyage Meals, it's a family affair!
My lovely baby girl is 18-months-old today.
Around her first birthday, I started managing crippling abdominal pain. The pain stops me in my tracks and wakes me in the middle of the night. Causes me to double over, grimacing and sweating while I wait in line at the grocery store; somehow still managing to dangle something – anything -- in front of my daughter’s face to keep her content for Just. Five. More. Minutes. Yet another attempt to stave off the piercing scream that marked her entry into this world and continues to sound out throughout each day to signal hunger, sleepiness, boredom, displeasure, disapproval…
My soul was not prepared to withstand the overwhelming amount of adoration and responsibility that accompanied my daughter's birth. I remain unstable. Many days I’m convinced that I will feel this way for the rest of my life. I often marvel at the fact that we are only at the very beginning of this journey together. Down the road remains teaching her how to ride a bike, helping her with math homework (ahem, learning how to do math), and holding her close when someone breaks her heart. Once you enter motherhood you can’t turn back. We are forced to evolve at someone else’s pace and keep up, keep up, keep up.
And I want to be the best. Mostly because I want her to be the happiest, healthiest person that ever was. Also, selfishly, I want her to love me as much as I love her.
But I digress -- back to the stomach pain. For months I’ve endured this pain. Most days I thought it would go away on its own. Some days I thought it was a sign of a heart attack. At some point, I think I just accepted that living with chronic pain was my new reality.
The truth is that between keeping a relatively new job, keeping a relatively neat home, keeping my husband relatively happy, toddler giggles, first steps, “Goodnight Moon,” changing diapers, changing clothes, filling bottles, cleaning the cat litter, feeding the dog, “Twinkle, Twinkle,” Doc McStuffins, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and “MOMMY!,”I just didn’t have time to figure out what was happening to me. There were never enough hours in the day to genuinely check “Take care of me” off of my to-do list.
My body showed evidence of this, too. Post the initial breastfeeding weight loss, I’d put on some weight. I ate whatever was nearby without thinking. My grad school days of eating only raw food, cognizant of the intentionality of food consumption as fuel for my body, soul, and mind, were long gone.
Then one day I sat in a meeting, pain searing through my stomach to my back and radiating down both sides of my ribcage. The room was fuzzy. I couldn’t focus on my colleague’s words. I could only focus on taking shallow breaths and contorting my body in just the right way to make it through this flare-up. I was finally fed up. I made my first appointment with my doctor.
As of today, I’ve had several appointments with specialists, including the one where they stick a camera down your throat. Nothing has been named. No plan for healing identified. No relief in sight. The ‘diagnosis’ does not ring true with my experience. I called my gastroenterologist the day after that procedure, failing to hide my lack of faith in his opinion, “This is not acid reflux. I was pregnant about a year ago. I know acid reflux intimately.”
A month ago, I started seeing a Chinese Medicine practitioner. She is convinced that the pain is related to food sensitivities and digestive disturbances, and I’m inclined to believe her. After some changes in my diet and the addition of some digestive herbs, I feel better. I’m not 100%, or even 85%, but I feel better.
During our second meeting, she did fire work over my body as she walked me through a guided meditation. This was the start of the shift to less pain. I felt at peace. As she closed the session, she shared what she’d learned about me that day. Four words rolled off of her tongue that will stick with me for the rest of my life, “Your heart is depleted”.
Having met the love of my life just a year or so prior, I could not fathom that this was true. My heart had never felt more full. The rewards of motherhood outweighed the pains every day -- not every moment, but definitely every day. She continued to tell me that I needed to find time to connect with other grown-ups – to laugh, to dance, to escape the to-do list.
I’d been so wrapped-up in giving all of me to my family, to my daughter, that I’d opted to endure a life full of pain just to keep doing it for her. My healer went on to explain that in the end, that choice would only be hurting my little girl as she would get a lesser version of her mother. I’m certain I’d heard this once or twice before, but it's so easy to get sucked in without even realizing it.
This time the light bulb went off. To help create the happiest, healthiest person ever, and even to achieve the impossible of having her love me as much as I love her, I have to make time for self-care. And, every once in a while, I have to attempt to define my health and happiness as separate from hers. I imagine this will be something I will have to remind myself of often.
The spa day is scheduled. I’ll keep you posted.
RESOURCES
Get yourself some bliss:
ACUPUNCTURE | Cara Brockbank’s Temescal practice combines classic acupuncture with divine aromatherapy, set in a charming craftsman cottage.
TAROT | Are you having trouble tapping into your gut feelings? This is your remedy. Laura Zuspan’s tarot readings are just the dose of reality you need, with a sprinkle of magic on top. Laura pulls from her beloved tarot deck and offers grounded, pertinent observations without judgment.
INDIAN SPRINGS | Located in Calistoga, this resort and spa is the perfect day trip to fit between daycare drop-off and pick-up. Our favorite treat is the mud bath and mineral pool combo.
GLOW POSTPARTUM DOULA CARE | Email us to find out more about our postpartum doula services which include a suite of wellness therapies tailored for your experience.
MEET IMAN MILLS GORDON
Iman is an independent consultant living in Oakland, CA with her husband and their daughter, Lena. With the support of her family, Iman continues to actively pursue her ultimate balance.
Let’s get right into the Diastasis Recti struggle- firstly, how do we pronounce this word?
Haha, tomayto, tomahto. I have heard people say it both ways - "di-uh-stay-sis" with a long second a and emphasis on the third syllable (which is how I pronounce it), or "di-aa-st-uh-sis" with the emphasis on the second syllable. The Greek prefix Dia- means “through” or “going through” and -stasis means permanent. So, in effect, going through and separating, and then staying that way. Luckily, there are many techniques to modify DR.
Now that we can discuss Diastasis Recti (DR) like we know what we’re talking about, tell us what it is.
Diastasis recti (DR) is a separation of the connective tissue (linea alba) of our “6-pack” ab muscles (rectus abdominis). If you draw a line from the center of your ribs, down to your pubic bone, directly through your belly button, you are tracing the linea alba. This fibrous band connects all of your abdominal muscles like a corset: your obliques (abs at the sides of your waist, above the hips) and transverse abdominal muscles (our deepest layer of abs, wrapping like a corset).
DR is NOT life-threatening - it is a natural part of pregnancy, delivery, and birth recovery, that is often ignored by the American medical community. Left untreated, DR can seriously impact your quality of life. A severe separation of your abdominal muscles results in a weak pelvic floor, uterine prolapse, inadequate support for your internal organs, and may possibly result in back pain and tight hamstrings.
How did you learn about DR in the first place?
A couple of years ago, a friend and former Baby Bootcamp instructor got certified in the Tupler Technique. Tupler is another program that works on repairing DRs without surgery. She asked if she could speak to my Baby Boot Camp moms about it and do DR checks for my clients. She checked me, and lo and behold, I had a 3+ finger separation at my belly button, which explains (at least partly), my chronic low back pain! Since then, I have become licensed in Baby Boot Camp’s Core 9 Birth Recovery and Diastasis Recovery programs in an attempt to bring this education to mamas that really need it.
How can we find out if we have DR and what are the symptoms prenatally, postpartum or even years after birth?
It is easiest if someone else checks you (I check all of the moms that attend my Baby Boot Camp classes), but you can certainly check yourself:
Lie on your back with your knees bent and feet flat on the ground, one hand behind your head. With the other hand, place your index and middle fingers inside your belly button with your palm facing you. Inhale with your head resting in your hand and then as you exhale, lift your head and shoulders an inch or two off the ground, like the beginning of a mini-crunch.
With your head up, you should feel the rectus abdominis muscles harden around your fingers. You then see how many fingers you can fit between those muscles. You will want to measure at your belly button (if you have a DR, it is usually largest at your belly button). Additionally, measure a couple of inches above your belly button, and a couple of inches below.
When I check moms at Baby Boot Camp, I also look for how far down I can push my fingers. Some moms have very shallow separations, which are not as concerning as deeper DRs. Moms that have a 1-2 finger separation can do most exercises; I modify significantly for 3-finger separations. If you have a separation of 4 or more fingers, you are still able to workout and come to class, but you should also see a physical therapist.
If you find that you have a separation, your goal is to strengthen and correctly engage your transverse abdominis muscles (TVA), which will start to bring the rectus abdominis back together. Do not do work that engages your Rectus Abdominus, or 6-pack muscle, it will only further the separation.
Is there any way to avoid DR during pregnancy?
Stay active during your pregnancy and learn how to engage your Transverse Abdominal muscles (TA).
Never sit straight up from a reclining or flat position. Roll to your left side and then press up to seated with your hand every time you get up from bed or mat-based exercises. This way, you avoid putting additional pressure on your abdominal muscles and connective tissue.
We recommend signing up for our Core9 Birth Recovery program a minimum of six weeks prior to your due date. Core9 Birth Recovery provides specialized support specific to where you are at in your postpartum recovery. It begins with essential movements that you can do at home immediately after delivery.
There are some specific exercises and movements to avoid if you have a DR. You should not do any twisting movements (for example: Russian twist and bicycle) but you can work your obliques by doing a modified side plank instead.
Avoid a full plank position until you bring your DR down to at least a 2 finger separation, and this includes push-ups. These should be done with your upper body elevated or with your knees on the floor, and possibly not at all, depending on the severity of your DR. And NO sit-ups!!! Please!
If you take one thing away from this interview, mamas, no more sit-ups, no more crunches, no more roll-downs! I never do any of these in Baby Boot Camp classes - they can make your DR worse. We are socially conditioned to do crunches and sit-ups when we hear it is time for “mat work” or “ab work.” Not only is this not the most effective way to work your core, but it can make your DR worse, and all of that flexion and extension can be really harmful for your back. Did you hear that the US Army is phasing out sit-ups because of spine injuries?!
There’s so much pressure on mamas to get “back into shape” within a couple months of giving birth - how does this impact your clients’ health?
Sara, I see this all the time, and I completely understand - most of us have a very limited amount of time off of work with our newborns, and our goal is to LOSE THE BABY WEIGHT! I get it! But things take time. Through Baby Boot Camp, I’m really trying to shift the focus more towards long-term health, safety, and longevity. Boot camps can be really great, but there is a danger in throwing yourself back into exercise and not listening to your body’s signals to pull back.
A physical therapist that specializes in pelvic floor issues spoke at the last Baby Boot Camp conference and she said that because of the relaxin still in your body (a joint loosening hormone), you should not run until you have stopped nursing! Now, I understand that sounds a bit extreme, and there would probably be a mutiny if I told my mamas that, so we have compromised and instituted the 6-16 week rule - moms can come to my classes 6 weeks after a vaginal birth and 8 weeks after a c-section, but from 6-16 weeks, we HIGHLY encourage moms to take the low-impact modifications and to power walk instead of run. You will still get a great workout, trust me!
You might feel really great after having your baby (and I hope you do!); but, use me as an example: I felt great and wanted to get back in shape and went back to teaching way too early, and I’m dealing with issues that I can trace back to my compromised core strength almost four years after I had my last baby!
How would you recommend that a new mama ease her way back into health, what’s your ideal plan from birth to 12 weeks?
I love this question!
About a year ago, we created a program called Core9 Birth Recovery. The program involves weekly supportive emails, movements and stretches you can start doing from week one postpartum, easy and nutritious recipes, and in-person Diastasis Recti checks for 0-9 weeks postpartum.
I would recommend using a postpartum belly binder during exercise and movements. Walking is great if you’re ready for more movement, and the no-impact core movements that are outlined in Core9 Birth Recovery are great for general core strength, but also to aid in repairing a DR.
I also highly recommend coming to Baby Boot Camp classes once you are cleared by your doctor and either 6 weeks postpartum (vaginal birth) or 8 weeks postpartum (c-section). You will get a great workout taught by nationally certified instructors, that are also well-versed in the appropriate postpartum modifications.
Read this great article by one of my colleagues that outlines safe exercises for newly postpartum moms, as well as what to avoid.
Do you have any other resources mamas should know about?
Indeed! Baby Boot Camp classes are taught by nationally certified fitness professionals. You will get a fantastic one-hour workout that is safe for newly postpartum mamas, all in a fun and supportive environment.
I am also licensed and certified in Core9 Birth Recovery and Core9 Diastasis Repair. Core9 Birth Recovery is for moms 0-9 weeks postpartum and is NOT an in-person program. It consists of weekly emails with safe and effective movements and videos that moms can do at home in the early postpartum weeks, plus two in-person DR checks.
Core9 Diastasis Repair, on the other hand, is an intensive in-person four-week workshop. I run 3-4 workshops per year, and have one coming up in June. We work on repairing DRs through safe and effective movements, while also improving posture and strengthening the pelvic floor.
The Fitness Center on the Baby Boot Camp website also has some great articles on DR, birth recovery, and postpartum exercise, in general.
Here are a couple articles that are particularly relevant to our conversation:
Early Postpartum Birth Recovery
Birth Recovery and Diastasis Recti
Birth Recovery and Running
MEET MARY MCQUEEN
Mary is mom to Liam (5/07), Sinead (6/10), and Jameson (7/12), and has owned Baby Boot Camp Oakland since April 2009. She has a B.A. in English and French Literature from U.C. San Diego, is an ACSM-certified personal trainer, and certified in Group TRX Suspension Training. You can reach Mary by email or phone at 510-418-8599.
Did you know that your abdominal muscles may not be strong even if you are performing core exercises?
Poor body mechanics and poor posture can greatly contribute to pre and postnatal discomfort and core dysfunction. For a balanced body throughout your pregnancy and throughout your life, various muscles should work in harmony for your pelvic floor to function well. Performing a bunch of Kegel exercises may only help you from holding in that “sneeze pee” temporarily.
Imagine standing with a posterior pelvic tilt (your buttocks tucked under).
This woman likely has tight pelvic floor muscles, muscles that when inflexible are not functional muscles. During labor, these muscles need to relax, and after labor, they need to fire properly for various practical reasons. This is the muscle group that helps you to control your urine. This is also the muscle group that, when functioning well, makes sexual intercourse more enjoyable.
Travel up the torso, and this woman’s ribs aren’t stacked over her pelvis. In-between the imbalanced pelvis and ribs is the abdominal core. Because of misalignment, the abdominal muscles are both pulled and shortened, leading to dysfunction.
Stacking the joints is a great first step to a healthier core—a healthier you. Imagine it’s you starting with a clean slate. From a stance of proper alignment, you then can move with the ability to employ the correct muscles. Pilates uses a lot of imagery.
I tell my clients to imagine that they are a hanging fruit basket, the head the first, the ribcage the second, the stomach the third, and the pelvis the fourth basket. If properly stacked, all of the baskets will balance
with ease.
I have worked with a number of postpartum clients who experienced “sneeze pee” after giving birth. They came to me because they’d been instructed to perform Kegel exercises yet weren’t getting better. With hip strengthening, such as gluteal work (squat, squat, squat!) and postural work, their bodies responded well. The pelvic floor consists of two types of fibers, slow twitch and fast twitch. Therefore, it’s good to practice both the quick “flicking” contraction and the slow contraction, like the rise of an elevator.
The Kegel work was performed in conjunction with other muscles in various exercises, resulting in a stronger and more functional core from the pelvis up through the trunk. The harmony of muscles engaging together is like listening to a well-tuned orchestra. You deserve to feel like your best, well-tuned self.
MEET SANDRA SPRINGER
Sandra is a Pilates Master Trainer and Rehabilitation Specialist. Beyond her Pilates rehabilitation and fitness certifications, Sandra studied prenatal Pilates extensively and Pilates for diastasis recti. Sandra works with spinal injuries and repetitive strain injuries, as well as clients in stages from pre- to post-surgery, including Cesarean.
Sandra focuses on inefficient patterns of movement and imbalances so that clients can not only gain awareness about their bodies, but also integrate the lessons into their daily lives.
In her prenatal Pilates courses, she tailor exercises to each client’s needs as the group classes are small—only three per class. The classes were developed to safely move you through each trimester. You will be exercising with other moms-to-be while both relaxing and strengthening your body during incredible, life-changing time!
Beyond pilates, Sandra is a lauded writer, earning a Fulbright Scholarship and the Joseph Henry Jackson Award.
This exercise can be done in pure meditation or as a journaling exercise in which you answer all of the questions and more.
Begin seated comfortably or resting on your back with one hand on your belly and one had on your heart. Feel your breath come and go until you find a gentle relaxed rhythm.
Picture your heart, four beating chambers, this muscles giving you life with every pulse. Now imagine the chambers more closely, figuratively dividing the heart into four equal parts:
The Full Heart
The Open Heart
The Clear Heart
The Strong Heart
The Full Heart, the left upper chamber, beats in abundance, giving freely and receiving freely, without limit. Let your heart swell, fill to the brim and overflow with compassion and appreciation for yourself, your children, your loved ones, your work, your world. Where do you find constriction? Where do you find ease? What can you share and what do you keep? Now ask your Full Heart what it needs from you and from the world. What does it need to create and receive? The Full Heart knows no limits; what would you do with boundless love?
Shift your focus now to the Open Heart, taking a deep, cleansing breath in and then out completely.
The Open Heart, the left lower chamber, pulses to learn, to see the world afresh. The Open Heart beats without judgment and anticipates only love. The trusting Open Heart is deeply wounded by rejection or disappointment. How much joy can you accept? What do you reject for fear of disappointment? The Open Heart can also be the Black Heart; what divisive tools do you use to protect yourself? What hurt have you suffered? Courageously, how open can your heart be? Can you forgive yourself to trusting too much? This is your vessel, let it be strong and let it be buoyant.
Let all of your air out with an audible exhalation, "Haaaaaaa", then breathe in deeply to your belly, expanding your chest until it feels as though it will burst and let your heart be as open as the dawn, then exhale entirely. On your next inhalation, shift your focus to the Clear Heart.
The Clear Heart, the right upper chamber of your heart, the heart that knows all before thoughts arrive. If you’re able to let the water of your thoughts still, the Clear Heart is your spiritual compass. The Clear Heart says, “Trust me, I know. Trust me, I’m always here. Even when hell has arrived, I am here. Even when the most difficult decision must be made, I am here.” The Clear Heart only speaks truth, without fear. When you are connected to your Clear Heart, you fearlessly speak your truth. Quiet your mind. What do you feel? Can you forgive yourself for the times when you’ve been too loud to hear your heart? When your heart has turned cloudy, what has circled in your head: fear or greed or need? You can take time to get clear, to return to this pure center where you know your truth, and you’re taking that step right now.
Take a deep breath in and blow it out powerfully, as if you are blowing away insecurity, and then breathe in grounded courage as you turn your focus to the Strong Heart. Breathe in until your chest is puffed out, and you are the lion, letting that breathe go with a roar.
Finally, the right lower chamber, The Strong Heart, houses your dreams, your power and your abilities. You are able to face the world, no matter the resistance, to pursue your truth. You can bring love in for fuel and give love out without pain. You can stand down a thousand armies and pursue your rightful place. You can risk your career for a vision. You can laugh about your shortcomings without self-consciousness, because you know your strength. What do you want? What can’t you abide? Draw your line in the sand- what’s on your side and what’s on the other? What does your Strong Heart need from you now?
Place both hands on your heart and take a final, full-body breath in, as if from the soles of your feet, all the way to the top of your crown, and then let it go with sigh. As you breathe in again, feel yourself at the center of these four chambers: The Full Heart, abundantly beating; The Open Heart, fresh to the world; The Clear Heart, wise as the Universe and The Strong Heart, driven with clarity. You are all four of these elements and it’s your right to know every aspect of your heart. Spend some time with your heart regularly to reconnect and remind yourself that your heart is both supple and strong, even through upset, your heart beats again.
Yoga is a tried and true conduit to mental clarity. Bend your body into the following positions to loosen your joints, invite fresh blood to your limbs and physically open your constricted chest and shoulders.
And BREATHE.
If these look too cray, click on each pose and find variations to suit your comfort level.
Dancer or Natarajasana
This pose lifts you up and forward through your heart and your head. Nataraja is another term for Shiva, The Auspicious One, whose cosmic dance clears the weary and makes way for creation. Bring it on.
Camel Pose or Ustrasana
The mother of all heart openers- my typical crying pose: Camel Pose pulls your heart open, bares your sensitive throat and leaves you as vulnerable as any human can be. Let your heart be free and see what comes in.
For more: Yoga Journal's awesome interactive piece on Heart Openers
In an effort to bring yourself back to your heart, to soften what may have hardened over the years of surviving here on earth, why don’t you take 30 minutes or an afternoon to address the issue. Set aside time to try some or all of the following elements of a heart opening ritual to bring in light and let go of some weight.
When was the last time you had a good smudging? Some of us are probably saying “a couple days ago” and others haven’t smudged for a long, long time, if ever. It only sounds dirty; in truth, it’s an ancient cleansing ritual practiced by various cultures worldwide. It’s a classic and wonderful way to commence any chosen moment, ceremony or ritual. It creates a sensory threshold that will queue you: “BE PRESENT, THIS IS SPECIAL”.
You may have experienced the smudging practice with sage but Palo Santo has a sweeter, woodier smell that I much prefer. It evokes a deep rootedness and brings you to your center. Use a lit candle flame or a lighter to ignite the end of the wood stick until it’s smoldering, an ember is all you need. If you do light the wood on fire, blow it out quickly so the ember remains. Then let the ember smoke; sometimes you need to blow on it gently.
Use the stick like a wand to encircle yourself: around the body, around your head, in all four directions- North, South, East and West, and then towards the sky and down towards the earth. If you’re feeling really frisky, you can smudge your doorways and the rooms of your home to clear stale, old energy and invite fresh vibes in. Then let the smoking stick burn itself out on a specially chosen plate or other non-flammable surface.
Buy Palo Santo on Amazon.
Sleep deprivation is not a laughing matter, nothing to be casually bandied about like it’s a cheeky right of passage. It’s not a badge of honor. It’s torture. And it sucks. Bad.
What are we living on if we haven’t slept for days on end? If we’re postpartum, we get a healthy super-mama dose of oxytocin to help us through those zombie days, so we can drive a car and be trusted with another human’s life. But that’s not enough.
Our wise, desperate bodies release adrenaline to carry the tired load. And then we drink caffeine, which only increases the amount of adrenaline our adrenal glands pump into the bloodstream. So, now you’re flitting about the new-mama world of mothers groups, work, and grocery runs fueled by adrenaline and caffeine. Oops. This can’t be physiologically healthy, never mind psychologically.
So, let’s review what happens when your body is operating like this. Adrenaline is designed to trigger your fight or flight response (thank you, evolution). There are three major muscles programmed to contract with adrenaline- any guesses what they are?
Your shoulder muscles, the ones between the shoulders and the ears- yeah, those. They tighten to protect your brainstem as if a grizzly bear is approaching.
Your jaw tightens in preparation for direct combat - those teeth are serious weapons, am I right early teethers?
Finally, the psoas, a deep abdominal muscle, tightens along the lower back and this muscle helps us run away. Fast. But it also provides significant lower back discomfort when chronically contracted from adrenaline and poor posture (read: stress and sitting- hmmm sounds an awful lot like the early days of breastfeeding. And every single day in the car or an office.
It’s a feedback loop: the tighter these muscles become, the more adrenaline they trigger in your tired, baby-obsessed brain. But this is good news! You can address this exhaustion, this overwhelming abundance of adrenaline, from two different angles: physical and lifestyle. Reduce your physical tension in your shoulders, your jaw, and your psoas and you will reduce your anxiety, your stress, and your general feeling of “what’s happened to my life?!" (thumbs up!).
Stretch!
Stand with your feet wide, look straight ahead, clasp your hands behind your back and bend forward, letting your hands slowly drift towards the floor
Open your jaw slowly just to the point that you feel a gentle relieving stretch. Then close your jaw lightly so your teeth are barely touching, relax your tongue in your mouth and massage the jaw muscles
Place one foot on the ground and the other knee on the ground with both knees initially bent at 90 degrees. Support yourself with both hands on the ground at your sides. Slowly inch the front foot forward so that you begin to feel a gentle stretch at the front of the body with the bent knee.
Once you feel a gentle stretch, place both hands on your upper knee and lift your chest to stretch the psoas
Decaf!
Yeah, yeah, I know, embarrassing to order, but give it a whirl. And notice how your breastfeeding baby responds- maybe they’ll chill out too since they drink what you drink. It may take you both a few days to notice the positive benefits. Trust that it’ll be worth it when you don’t want to go all “Red Wedding” on your partner come the end of the day.
Ask For and Offer Help!
It may only be 90 minutes that you crucially need, or an hour: ask someone to come to your house and hang out with your baby or, better yet, take the baby on a long walk around the ‘hood while you put earplugs in and slumber. Ask a mom in your mothers group if you two can do a sleep/playdate swap. Call your friend who wants to be called ‘Aunty’ and let her know that this is the test. Ask a tolerable and relatively responsible family member to help. People will be honored, I kid you not. And, most importantly, don’t let this opportunity pass you by: discipline yourself to get in bed, plug those ears, and close your eyes.
Please, Share a Night Feeding!
Share this article with your partner and then arrange for them to take at least one of the feedings at the beginning or end of the night so that you can go to bed early or wake up later and get a “proper” stretch of sleep (4 hours!? YAAASSSSSS!!).
If you’re breastfeeding, you will have to consider your boobs’ schedule but it’s worth the logistical analysis. If you encounter pushback, reference the “Red Wedding” allusion above.
Massage!
Did you know that Glow treats women at any age and stage of life? We’re not just prenatal specialists! Massage relieves anxiety by relaxing your tired muscles, reducing adrenaline, reducing blood pressure and increasing our happy hormones like oxytocin and serotonin (yum). Glow’s massage therapists will come to your house if that’s what suits you logistically or you can escape to our perfectly controlled environment at 4901 Lawton Avenue.
Postpartum Doula!
Hire a Glow postpartum doula to come to your house for a four-hour spell so you can take a load off, watch a backlogged episode of The Affair, and zzzzzzzzzzzzz. If a postpartum doula is too costly with all baby accoutrement accounted for, ask your friends and family for an early birthday gift. Better yet, pregnant mamas, ask for postpartum doula care in lieu of baby gifts! Email us to explore more postpartum doula options at glow@gloweastbay.com and check out our offerings.
Mini Vacay!
Once you’ve mastered breast milk storage or trained your partner/friend/family member to mix formula, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Book yourself a hotel room; it doesn’t have to be posh, because your eyes will be shut, god willing. Bring ear plugs, bring some basic food items, and SLEEP, MAMA, SLEEP! Even if you have to pump in the middle of the night, it’s not the same as waiting to hear the cry for a feeding. Worth every penny you will save on couples counseling, do this for the team.
Are you exhausted? Try taking some of your prenatal vitamins like Floridix Florivital!
Floridix Florivital provides ample doses of iron, Vitamin C and B Vitamins. Iron supports your immune system, boosts red blood cell generation thereby supporting your heart, your liver and your digestive system. Vitamin C works synergistically to boost iron absorption, and support your immune system. Florivital’s B1, B2, B6 and B12 vitamins keep the body functioning optimally. You’ll notice increased energy and healthier hair, skin and nails.
Floridix is safe for pregnancy and breastfeeding but, as usual, check with your healthcare provider if you have health concerns that may preclude you from taking Floridix Florivital.
From birth to age 6, your child’s relationship with you is the central organizing experience of their life. From the beginning, your baby is a person with feelings, thoughts, and a meaningful inner life who is developing a sense of themselves, others, and the world through their relationship with you.
Babies are extremely attentive and sensitive to the feelings, facial expressions, and mental state of the adults to whom they’re close, and they depend on back and forth responsive communication to feel calm and secure.
Understanding the mind of your baby or child, and the meaning of their signals and behavior as they seek to understand yours, is a key part of the parenting experience. However, it is not uncommon for parents to find it challenging to attune to their baby or young child, especially with babies that have difficult temperaments.
When stressful things happen in your child’s life, it’s their relationship with you as their attachment figure that will help them manage their feelings and make sense of their world.
The more safe and secure your young child feels in their relationship with you, the more they will turn to you for help when in trouble when they’re older. With this foundational security, they will have a higher sense of self-worth, know that most problems have an answer, solve problems on their own, know how to be kind, and trust that good things will come their way.
Be aware that memories of our own early relationships and childhood experiences—both benevolent and problematic—return to us when we become parents. As children go through different developmental phases, unresolved past experiences and feelings can emerge in one’s present relationship with their child.Sometimes this causes difficulty with parents’ relationships with their children, but it also offers new opportunities for growth and transformation
Did you know?
Every baby and child is different. What it takes to be a good-enough parent to one child can be very different from what it takes to be a good-enough parent to another.
Separating from your baby? Make sure to say goodbye! All children feel more secure when they know they can count on you to let them know when you are leaving. Otherwise, children learn that that the people closest to them unpredictably disappear, and can become more clingy and anxious in general since they don’t know when you will suddenly be gone.
Everyday routine activities like diapering, bathing, dressing and feeding are not mundane activities for your young child; from the start, these are learning experiences through which your baby is developing a relationship to their body and their needs, and discovering what they can expect in connections with other people.
RESOURCES
Zero To Three: National Center for Infants, Toddlers, and Families
The Emotional Life of the Toddler, by Alicia F. Lieberman, Ph.D.
Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive,
by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. and Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.
MEET JILL SULKA
Jill Sulka, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist who specializes in infant and early childhood mental health. She provides parent consultation, infant-parent and child-parent psychotherapy, and child play therapy in her office and at home, depending on the needs of the family. Dr. Sulka has been providing psychological services for 20 years, and has directed several programs for parents and their children birth to 8 years old.She believes that every child and parent deserve the opportunity to develop a relationship together that best supports that child’s potential to grow well and love well. She can be reached at (510) 326-2002 and jillsulka@gmail.com.
There are a million things that cause anxiety during pregnancy; this doesn’t need to be one of them. The following information is powerful and significant because this virus is preventable. Please ask your doctors about the risk of CMV infection during pregnancy.
Did you know?
50-80% of the population will be infected with Cytomegalovirus (CMV) by the time they are 40 years old yet. Coming into contact with the CMV virus is a common occurrence and is generally harmless for healthy kids or adults, but it can present critical problems for babies who are infected with CMV before birth, referred to as congenital CMV
Approximately 30,000 children are born with congenital CMV infection each year in the U.S. and 5,000+ will develop permanent health problems such as hearing or vision loss, cognitive or developmental disabilities, cerebral palsy or seizures
More children will have disabilities due to congenital CMV than other well-known infections and syndromes, including Downs Syndrome, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Spina Bifida and Pediatric HIV/AIDS
CMV is preventable! Only 13% of surveyed women of childbearing age know about CMV prevention tactics
There are simple and effective prevention measures you and your loved ones can take to mitigate the risk of CMV transmission during pregnancy. Please join Glow and the National CMV Foundation on October 8th to learn more.
The National CMV Foundation is a non-profit organization dedicated to promoting awareness, providing access to resources and sharing prevention information to eliminate congenital CMV. With your support, we intend to empower women, facilitate communication, generate social outreach, and ultimately drive behavioral change.
Learn More
The National CMV Foundation is a non-profit organization dedicated to promoting awareness, providing access to resources and sharing prevention information to eliminate congenital CMV. With your support, we intend to facilitate communication, generate social outreach, and ultimately drive behavioral change. Please visit the CDC.
Growing a baby necessarily forces your organs to the sides of your abdomen. Your tummy muscles, connective tissue and skin stretch to accommodate your growing baby. After birthing, you are left with an abdominal void, an empty space where the baby once grew. Your body gives you about 6 weeks to acutely impact the healing of your abdominal and pelvic tissue. Depending on our breastfeeding tenure, you have about 6 months to recover from birth before your beneficial postpartum hormones dwindle and you’ll then start fighting an uphill battle to bring our organs and abdominal tissue back into alignment. The first 6 weeks postpartum are imperative to our lifelong urinary and sexual health.
In the Bay Area we have access to a wealth of prenatal education but we rarely learn about postpartum rehabilitation. Recently, the tradition of postpartum corseting or “belly binding” has gained popularity. Lauded for its superficial impact on Hollywood starlets (Jessica Alba’s abs immediately postpartum, anyone?) the practice’s exposure has us buzzing. More important than fitting into your pre-baby jeans, the practice of belly binding can protect you from a secretly common ailment that we previously discussed in our June newsletter: Uterine prolapse.
Prolapse occurs when the uterus falls through the weakened pelvic floor and into or even out of the vagina. Painful, scary and embarrassing, prolapse is mostly preventable if postpartum care is taken seriously. Postpartum corseting draws the abdomen back to the spine and brings your abs together in the case of diastasis recti.
A postpartum corset retrains the tissue to support your lower back and organs as the postpartum hormones reset your posture. Combined with the pelvic floor exercises from our June newsletter, you are giving your torso the kindest support possible.
RESOURCES
Glow has sourced the best postpartum corsets available in America. Unlike the bulky Velcro versions developed in the U.S., or the time consuming woven binders, we offer South American eye-hooked corsets with flexible boning so the fabric stays put at your hips and around your upper torso. Our postpartum wellness specialist will visit you immediately postpartum to take your measurements and fit you for the appropriate sizing. Contact us at glow@gloweastbay.com for more information on corset fitting and more postpartum services to care for your body.
(And Maybe a Flat Tummy Too...)
The French medical system devotes an entire 10-20 professionally-guided sessions to la rééducation périnéale or postpartum vagina education. Following this course of therapy, abdominal reeducation begins with a further 10-20 sessions. This program successfully reduces incontinence, postpartum depression, sexual dysfunction and organ prolapse (look it up!).
In contrast, our American system eschews rehabilitation, instead focusing on a return to normal physical activity. With no guidance in between, many of us exercise to get our outermost layers smokin’ hot and yet we’re unable to jog around the block without a maxi pad. So what’s the skinny?
Warning Signs
You may have pelvic floor dysfunction if you experience the following...
Incontinence: Urinary or fecal (with cough, sneeze, running, laughing)
Urgency: Having to rush and not quite make it to the bathroom
Frequency: Going more than every 2-4 hours
Pain with sex, pain with orgasm or inability to orgasm
Pelvic, hip, lower back and/or SI joint pain
Resources
WATCH | A succinct five-minute video of the perfect abdominal workout appropriate for all women: prenatal, postpartum or non-natal. Do it 3-5 times per week.
VISIT | Back to Life Physical Therapy in San Francisco and Oakland. Kaiser patients are covered by referral at this practice.
VISIT | Pelvic Health & Rehabilitation Center in Berkeley.
READ | Postpartum Strong, from the inside out. Real talk about your pelvic floor and all the fun organs it supports.
READ | A hilarious Slate article about the French postpartum care system.
Did you know that probiotics like lactobacillus and bifidobacteria are good for your mental health?
Studies are finding that daily probiotic ingestion increases our ability to cope with stress, reducing both depression and anxiety.
The neurochemical composition of your brain is impacted by what you’re eating and how it’s populating your intestines. Furthermore, a healthy gut will reduce your cortisol levels, elevating your mood and balancing your hormones. As women, our gut flora impacts the chemical environment of the entire body, impacting the flora in our reproductive systems as well. Fighting candida (yeast) and promoting regular bowel movements, probiotics are a girl’s best friend.
Probiotics and Pregnancy
From a Chinese Medicine perspective pregnancy increases damp heat, making us susceptible to swelling, increased blood pressure and yeast growth. Probiotics populate your body with good microflora, fighting the growth of pathogenic flora like candida or yeast. Probiotics are an easy way to promote a healthy amniotic environment for your baby’s growth.
Probiotics and Postpartum
Candida growth can impact uterus healing and breastfeeding. Thrush is a yeast infection that can plague your nipples, your baby’s mouth, your own healing uterus and your vagina. Help your healing body by taking various strains of probiotic. Your breast milk will benefit from probiotic use, giving you and your baby a boost of beneficial bacteria.
Purchasing Probiotics
Pharmaca sells a home-brand probiotic line produced by Natural Factors. The 12 billion count capsules will provide ample probiotic support at any age and stage of life. If you aren’t close to a Pharmaca, you can find Natural Factors Acidophilus & Bifidus Double Strength Capsules at your local health food store.